Boring Sunday...........

Help..... Its such a boring sunday for me. Vin wanted to meet me today but i juz cant think of any reasons to get out of the jail tats y i told him no. In the end he went temple. Its already noon time n i felt so bored. I juz sms him to complain tat i feel so bored. He ask me if i wanna to go eat beancurd. I wanna to go but i juz cant crack out anymore excuses. Haiz........ I felt like rotting at hm nw. I miss Vin's baked rice. No mood to study nw.... Wat shld i do????? i wanna to get of to meet Vin but i cant find any gd excuse to go out. When can i c Vin again. I really afraid tat i would nt be able to c him so often. I miss him a lot. I wonder if he feels the same way. I wonder if he oso miss me as much as i miss him. I wonder if he will always dote, love n miss me so much in the future..... I wonder he will change in the future. I juz cant stop wondering cos guys r jerks. I hope love is nt like wat i thought. At first a cup of honey, den slowly it become less n less sweet cos as time goes by u keep on adding plain water. Eventually it juz become a cup of tasteless plain water. I hope Vin is not like tat. Hopefully we can stay together and remain as sweet as nw. Wats love without life? N wats life without love?

Its Friday again...

Finally left onli one last paper. feel more relax. Vin went to temple today as usual. He requested me nt to let my imagination run wild. I noe once i start to imagine things he will freak out. I guess i am really impt in his heart. Goin for facial tomolo. Hope tat i can enjoy my day alone tomolo. Its has been a long time since i haven been alone. Although i will get bored being alone, but sometimes i feel tat its gd to have some spare time of ur own. Dun noe y i felt so stress whenever i c Vin's parents. I have a strong feeling tat tehy dun like me. N non of my bf parents had ever gave me this feeling. This made me felt so last n sad. Maybe its bcos i haven done enough. I myself had been asking wats the problem. Isit bcos of me or Vin? Till nw i still cant find the ans. Tats y i try to avoid them. But Vin is really understanding. He noes tat i feel so stress seeing them tats y he didnt even stop me from avoiding him. He is the first guy in my life whom place me in front of parents. N i reall appericate it. At least i can feel how impt i am to him. Pandar....... I am entrusting my life to u so pls take gd care of it......

Finally Get Over With One Paper.........

Finally finish one of the papers. Left the exams hall at 3.30pm. Feeling tat i would nt make it. Anyway i did my best so not regrets. N i noe tat Vin would support me watever happen. Met him for dinner juz nw. Went to far east plaza for hans. The dinner sucks. But it doesnt matter at all cos it having dinner with Vin. As long as i can spare some time for him its doesnt matter wat we do or wat we eat. Really miss him a lot. dun noe when i can meet up with him again tats y i really treasure the time together with him. Got another paper to go tomolo. Hope i can faster get thru cos i had been veri stress n stuffing myself with food for the past few days. N Vin realise tat i am a bit fatter. Although he said he dun mind but i mind. I wan him to feel proud when he bring me out to c his friends. N i wan to be his best gal he had ever had in his life. I will if i wan to.......

Nervous N Stress!!!!!!!!!!

Goin for exams at 2pm later on. Still trying my best to get all those notes stuff into my brain. But things dun seems to work the way i wan. I cant undersatnd most of the notes therefore its so difficult for me to stuff them into my brain. I guess its all bcos a lot of things had happened in my life for the past two mths tats y i cant concentrate on my studies well. I am so afraid of failing cos i noe tat once i fail i will be in deep financial shit. I juz sms Vin hoping tat he would wake up n console me. But he didnt. Although i am a bit dissappointed but i cant blame him. Cos i knew he has been veri tired n nt sleeping well. How i wish he is beside me nw. Got an arrow fr my dad last nite. Felt so sad. He pointed his fingers at me saying tat i had changed n i am the only one who noes if i had ever done anythign wrong. I noe its my fault for choosing to divorced at this moment thus causing him lose a lot of face. But i am juz an ordinary gal who wanna to find true love. When i was with my ex husband, no one noes how painful i am. No noe ever ask me how much i suffered. Cos i always painted a nice pic for them. Leading them to think tat i am happy n with no worries. They are my parents n yet they dun give me their fullest support. To me coming back hm is like coming back to jail. I am so stress up. Nw no classes, n i had already run out of reasons to go out with Vin. I am really veri stress. N Vin is pressing hard on me on goin out with him. I noe he miss me a lot. I miss him too. But i juz cant get myself out of the jail. Its so unfair to him but i dun have a choice. I really dun wan them to find out tat its bcos of him den i pick up my courage to divorced, cos i dun wan them to hate him. I noe my dad's character too well. He ever he found out abt this, he n me will be in dead meat. Cos he care too much on his face. To him face is more impt den his own daughter. I really dun noe wat i shld do nw......... Tell me, wat shld i do. I cant treat Vin so unfair but i cant take the risk too. The few wks bcos of stress, i kept on stuffing myself with food. N i am getting fatter. If the continues, I wili get back to my old size wan. HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Stress Pls Leave Me Alone...........

Worst Lie in my Life........

Its mon again. I was on mc again. Juz dun feel like goin to work. But the worst thing is ic the doc at Vin's place. Its at hougang. How am i goin to explain abt it? I really havin a haedache nw. Dun feel like goin work tomolo. Feel like tender my resign letter immediately. I am so STRESS nw. Stress until i feel like throwing all things aside n be alone. But i dun dare to let Vin noe cos i am afraid tat he will get worried. Things hasn't been smooth for me. Exams again. Whenever it comes to exams my mood will get terrible. Y do they have to insist on exams. So sickening. Nw nt onli i got to stress on my exams n stress on how to ans to monster tomolo. I am so freaked out. Really dun noe wat to do. Bcos of wanting to spent more time with Vin, i choose to get mc. Sometimes i juz cant understand y cant i use my brains to think instead of using my backside. I will be dead if monster ask me tomolo. Infront of Vin i tried to b calm but actually i am nt. I am veri scared. MY GOD!!!!!! Wat shld i do???????? Went to Xerene's work place juz nw to fill up an application form. Hopefully i can get the job. But if mum n dad were to noe tat i choose to leave b4 bonus, i sure ganna a big big scolding fr them wan. They r my parents n yet they always dun support my decision. Y do god gave me such parents? Vin is the onli support i left. So gald tat he is there for me. Dar Thanx!!!!

Sunday.....

Once again its sunday. Got to go work tomolo. Exams are coming veri soon. But i stiil on honeymoon mood. Still cant get those notes into my brain. I will be staying over at Vin's place tonite. I asked him abt his past gfn Suddenly i ask myself a qs? I am i so unlucky. Among all his gf i am the one suffering with him. I can take all hardship but its juz tat i dun wan to resign to fate so easily. i really dun believe fate is gon to treat me like tat. I guess they muz b playing a joke on me. Vin give me an impression tat he is nt goin to make it n this make me so frightened. Where is the confident Vin i have known? Tell me where can i find back the confident Vin? I felt so lost n scared nw.

Terrible Saturday!!!!!

Vin is sick today. He is having fever. I am so worried abt him n at tat moment i feel like flying over to c him. But i was so disappointed when he told me tat he needs to go temple later to burn incense fr 4pm to 12am. Upon hearing my heart sank into the bottom. I would always find my best to spend time with him. I noe i should nt be disappointed n shld try to be understanding cos after all he is doin this for the seek of both of us. But whenever i noe tat he needs to go temple, i juz cant stop feeling disappointed. Cos when he is at temple he cant even call me nor sms me. So today will be a terrible sat for me. A lonely sat for me...... I dun even had the mood to do my revision nw. I guess this time i am goin to fail veri badly. how i wish the ocean is right in front of me nw. Den i can scream as loudly as i can. I miss Vin. Sometimes i felt tat he is so far apart fr me. So far away until i cant even reach him. Lost.......... Whenever i had tis feeling i would be really lost...... Dun even noe which direction i shld go to..... Vin wanna me to go over to his side tomorrow. But i juz cant find any reasons to get out of jail. I am so afraid tat my parents would be veri angry. But on the other hand i didnt wan to disappoint Vin. Y dun someone tell me wat i shld do. I am sinking in the deep ocean nw...... I wanna to c Vin cos i really miss him veri much but i cant find any vaild reasons to get out. I really dun noe wat i shld do. I had been thinking for the whole nite. My brains are bursting....... HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Things are really driving me CRAZY!!!!!

Fr One Hole to Another.......

I was on leave today. Suppose to do my revision for my exams. But haven done any single thing since the whole morning. Cos cant concentrate. Purposely woke up at 7.30am in the morning to give Vin a morning cal. Guess i am used to cal him to wake him up in the morning. When i wole up around 10 plus the first thing i did was to send him a sms. I really miss him a lot. He was busy with work today n cant cal me. Can onli give me a cal in the evening after tat he need to go temple again today. As usual its the fri session. He ask me a qs juz nw. Am i willing to suffer with him for more den 5yrs n even after suffering he still cant provide me with any gd life. at tat moment my mind became blank. cos i didnt noe how to ans him. but deep in my heart its was telling me tat i am willing to suffer with him for the rest of my life. cos i am totally stuck with him. I cant believe tat i am doin this. I muz have love him a lot. I came out of a messy hole n nw i am jumping into another messy hole again. My heart totally convinvce my brain tat i am doin the right thing this time. I choose this rd myself so i shall never regret no matters wat happen. I strongly believe one fine day when things get better for the both of uss, i will be the happiest gal in the world. Although he cant give me anything nw but i really dun mind. Cos i noe tat dreams n real life can never b the same. Its fate who bought me to him n bought him to me, so i should treasure it. Without him i wont be able to break free fr the shit life i am leading last time. I had been thru the worst so comparing the past n nw, nothing could b worst den the past. Sun will always be tehre to shine for me. If i choose to be happy for the rest of my life i will be happy. N Vin will try his best effort to make me feel happy. Pandar, i am prepared to take the path together with u. so nothing can stop me.

Wonderful Thursday.........

Its thurs again. Today things at work didnt went smooth for me. During my lunch time, Vin told me tat OA called him up. They demanded him to pay them 600 per mth. On top of tat, he need to pay old man 2.3k every mth. This causes his entire pay to be wipe out. After hearing tat, I started to geta calculator to calculate my pay. Intital i was a bit scared cos i am afraid tat my pay is nt enough for the both of us to survive. After calculating, I realised i was right. My pay alone is nt enough. Cos i still need to give my parents household allowance, pay my insurance, pay off my reno loan. I started to think wat i can do. den i tot of teaching tution. hopefully i can get more students n earn more. On top of tat i decided to work part time on sat n sun. so without second thought, i gave xerene a cal. She agreed to look out part time jobs for me. I noe i would be dead tired, but i juz cant bear to c Vin suffering alone. He muz be feeling veri guilty to made me suffer together wif him. But i think love is blind. Bcos of this i am willing to do extra jobs n give up a lot of things i wan. Actually i thought of changing a new hair look on nov, but nw i have decided nt to cos i cant afford to waste money like tat. den i actually oso wanna to buy some sk2 products. but nw all these got to be erase fr my mind cos i cant bring anymore burden to Vin. Fr nw on, i got to think b4 buying any things. i even thought of cancel my trip to thailand. Cos i really dun noe where to get money to pay my mum back as she had paid the trip fare for me first. the next pay she will sure ask fr me wan. I got to think of a reason to tell her. She actually noe tat i got some savings, nw i am so afraid tat she ask me where r my savings. I really dun noe wat to tell her. Hopefully she dun ask. I cant sell my sos share nw as its the blackout period. Hopefully i will be able to sell it n get the money on time for the trip. I noe life its goin to be hard on me of the next few yrs. But wif Vin around, i am sure i can take it wan. Cos watever we do, both of us noe tat we r holding on to each other hands. So Vin, lets work hard n get thru this period together. With will n determination, there is nothing we can do. The sun will always shine on us n everyday will always be a happy day for us.......

Bad Tuesday....

Today its the worst tue i had ever had..... In the morning everything was still fine until when i called my mum to inform her tat i wanna to get another internet acess n place one of the pc in my rm she ask why i need to do tat. So i told her since my sis dun appericate tat i fixed the new pc for her i might as well keep it for my own use. N to my surprise she told me tat i shld had wait for her to finish exams b4 fixing it. Even she feel tat wat i am doin is worng. I felt so piss of by tat. Den she told me tat my sis will be shifting back to the rm after she finish her exams. Tats it my freedom is gone again. When Vin knew tat i felt so unhappy, he did his best to cheer me up. At first i didnt wanna to come hm so eraly. I thought of goin to East Coast by myself. Vin didnt allow me to do tat. He keep on insisted tat he wanna to accompany. I didnt wan him to worry abt me so i agreed to meet him for dinner. But something bad happened to me again. He received a sms fr Alvin saying tat old man need him to go to temple to burn incense until 1am today. When i received his sms saying tat he cant meet me for dinner, i was veri disappointed. But i didnt wanna to make things difficlut for him so i told him i will be fine. In fact i am nt fine. I really dun feel like coming back so early. If i go out by my own he would be veri worried so i decided to come back. Wat a bad day for me. Hope tat tomorrow will be a better day!!!!!

A New Week

Its a new week again. I am veri unhappy nw. Went to visit Vin on sat cos he wasn't feeling well. I skip class tat day to give him a surprise. N indeed he was a bit shock to c me standing infront of his door steps. Den on sun i was free fr jail so i met him again. He cook bake rice for me tat day. N it was so delicious. I loved it so much. Nt onli bake rice he also made almond for me. How sweet of him to do all these things. After tat i went bugis to buy a necklace for my mum. I couldn't find anything suitable there so we went orchard. At orchard it was worst. I can't find anything which suit my mum's dress so in the end he had to drive me back to bugis again. I felt so bad n i find myself so irritating n so troublesome. Later when i was on my way hm i realise tat i forgot to buy something for my sis. He was veri angry with my sis cos he find tat its nt worth for me to treat her so nice as she isn't nice to me at all. But after all he still send me to lot one to get the things for my sis. Today i realise he was right. I shouldn't had treated her so nice as she dun even respect me as a elder sis. I tried to change my pc juz nw. N she was sleeping. She got so fed up n started throwing pillows at me. But i still continue to do wat i felt i should do. After fixing up all the wirings i was so happy. Cos i never thought tat i knoew how to fixed the pc up by myself. So i needed her password n userid to dial up to the net. N she refused to give it to me. In the end i got no choice but to fixed the old pc back. Anyway in this hse, watever i do is always wrong. Nothing seems to be right for me. I juz dun understand y. I was thinking it might benefit her if i change aways the old pc and get heer something better. But she dun appericate it at all. How i wish Vin is here nw. If he knew tat my sis treated me this way he would let her off so easy. he would had scold her upside down. I guess i really dun have a stand in this family. So in future i should nt have done so much things for them cos its really nt worth it. Its really a sad day for me cos after a hard day of work i still have to c pple face at hm. How long do i have to suffer with this kind of life.

Its Friday Again.....

Fri comes again. The wk seems to pass veri fast. Another 2 more wks my exams r comin. Haven got time to update my blog for the past 2 days. Cos i am so busy. Something bad happened on wed. Vin ask me if i was feeling giddy n having headache for the past one mth. When i asked him how he knew it he told me tat old man asked him this. Tat moment i knew something is wrong. Juz as i predicted something which i cant see it was following me. Tat nite bcos of this Vin had to stay at the temple to burn incense until 4am. I am so guilty. But I am so touched tat he is willing to do anything for me. Met him on thurs. He bought me the changi for dinner. The surprise tat i didnt even told him tat i wanna to eat rojok n he actually bought it for me. Its like he can read my mind. As usual he needs to go temple todya. I ask him a stupid qs juz nw. if i i dun allow him to go temple wat will he do? he told me he will give up. I was expecting him to say tat he will give up on me but he didnt. I guesss i really stand a important place in his heart. He muz be veri sad when he ask me for the 2.5k. But i juz wanna to let Vin noe tat i love him n i am sure one day when he pick himself up i will be the happiest gal in the world. no one had ever done n dote me so much. Hope tat he dun feel bad abt it. Dar.... I Love U....

Stunned Tuesday!!!!!!

As usual in the morning I looked at the mirror n tell myself today will be a happy day. Last nite something terrible happened. Vin's parents check on his things again. N this made him veri angry n sad. I tried my best effort to console him on the phone. But its onli when i say him juz nw den i realise that he was still veri sad. N its the first time he broke his tears in front of me. At that moment i felt so lost. I dun noe wat to say to him n console him. His parents really love him a lot. If nt they wont do such things to him. Perhaps they did it in the wrong way. Hopefully he can understand them better. My heart felt so pain when i saw him crying. After a while he calm down a bit n felt better. Vin dun worry too much. Remember u will always have a sun to shine on u no matters wat happen. Tomorrow will be a better day for u. N i oso noe that watever happen to me u will always be by my side too. So cheer up and pick urself up where u fell. There is nothing impossible in the world. If u wanna to do it, u sure succeed. N i believe u can... Really can. I have faith in u... N remember use ur heart to communicate with ur parents. They will be touched one fine day n they will defintely understand u... Dun give up. I will be joining u to take the path together. We shall face it together.... Love u..

Guilty Monday.......

This morning my eyes were so puffy. Cos I had a gd cried last nite. When I look at the wedding photo which I had perviously taken, I felt so sad. I could have juz live my life with the guy in the photo forever. But I choose to destory the whole thing n hurt him. I suddenly felt so guilty. Becos of my own happiness I choose to hurt him. I cant believe that I am doing this. I couldnt stop myself from dropping tears. N its the first time I cried after I made the decision to leave him. When I stepped into the hse yesterday, I really could feel the sadness in the hse. I really wanna to say Sorry to him. I didnt mean to hurt him. I can imagine how sad he is cos he really love me a lot. But its juz that he used the wrong way to love me. When I was struggling with my tears, Vin called me. N i choose to ignore him. I knew he was veri worried. But i juz felt that i need to be alone for a while. I cant express to him how i felt at that moment. No words can describle it. Later when I heard that he fell down in the washroom, I was veri worried. I guess he muz had felt veri hurt when he asked me wat happen n i choose not to tell him. He asked me where's the Jo he love gone to. I answer him that Jo was dead. He muz be veri heart broken when he heard this. I am so cruel to him. Y do I have to stab him again n again. I really hated myself for doin that. Luckily I met him juz nw. Its his bird day tomorrow. I bought a cake for him juz nw. But when i was with him juz nw, I can strongly feel that he is still veri sad abt wat i did last nite. I dun blame him cos after all its my fault. I thought that he was so engross with his majong that he had forgotten abt me. But I was wrong. He didnt call me becos when he was playing majong, they dun allow him to cal me. After i realise that thats was the reason, i felt so guilty. I dun noe wat i shld to do to make up to him. I noe that he really love me a lot. Its all my fault. Vin I really wanna to say sorrie to u. I am a veri emotional gal. That y when i went back to my hse i felt so sad. N i really really wanna to say sorry to him. Cos after all I am the one who hurt him. I really really hope that he can find someone better n lead a better life. Vin i noe u wanna me to settle my mess asap. Dun worry i will do that. I will do everything for the seek of u. I told u b4 i am here to bring u happiness n not burden. I promise I will be ur best wife. I will get things done next yr. So dun worry. N there is something which i wanna to tell u. Even if u cant get a flat, i will still choose to marry u. Even if u r broke, i will oso choose to stand by ur side. Cos I noe that my life cant go on without u. N hope that u could forgive me for hurting u last nite. I sincerely apologise to u.

Tired Sunday......

Today is a tired day for me. Went to my parents' shop to help them out. Vin went temple today. N he has been playing majong for the whole afternoon. Felt a bit neglected by him. This morning I was veri unhappy. I got a scolding from my dad in the morning. Came hm around 6.30pm. After my bath, i went to wash my uniform. And I broke the bracelet that Vin had bought for me. I was so sad. I felt so unless at that moment cos I can't even take gd care of a small bracelet. I guess when I told Vin about this he was still busy playing his majong. He did console me but I can't feel his console. Prrhaps he was too busy thats y I can't feel his care. After that i went back to my hse to collect back my things. When I was about to leave the hse, i almost broke into tears. At that moment I really wish that Vin was there for me. I was trying veri hard to fight back my tears. After all I really did put in a lot of effort in the hse. Sometimes I really dun understand y does this have to happen on me? I really cant bear to leave the hse. I really cant. Vin isnt back hm yet. I really wanna to tell him how i feel nw. But he has got no time for me. I guess the only person who noes how I felt is non other den me. Hopefully tomorrow will be a better day for me.

Lonely Friday.........

It fri again. I stay back in office to help out doin some arts thing. As usual Vin doesn't have time for me on fri. Cos he need to help out at temple. Felt so gulity for hurting Vin last nite. Its all my fault, I shouldn't have doubt him at all. I cant forgive myself for doubting him. Hopefully he feels better nw. My parents again seems to not believe that i stay back at office again. When i reach hm they give me a pulling face again. Sometimes really felt so sad that gave me so much pressure. They dun seems to trust me at all. Wonder wats Vin doin nw? Miss him a lot. Really hope that sat faster come so that i can get to c him. Haven got time to do his bird day present for him. But i will try my best to complete it by tonite. Hopefully he will like my present. I sort of negelect him juz nw when i was busy wif my office arts thing. Wanna to say Sorie Vin I dun mean to negelect u. Hope u can understand. N i promise not to doubt u again. Pandar I Love U Too........

Busy Day....

Today its a busy day for me at work. Got a scolding fr one of the cust in the morning. She even threaten to write to the press. Anyway lucky monster came out to help me on that. Class is tired today. Did revision in class today. I realise that I actually got a lot to catch up cos i miss too much lesson. Vin pick me up juz nw after class. We went supper after that. Today we didn't talk much in the car. Cos he was angry with me for still contacting Eddie. I noe that he is angry bcos he love me veri much. But sometimes i juz cant help having the feeling that he is like pushing too hard on me. Thats y i was veri sad juz nw. But on another hand when i thought of he is dooin this bcos he love me, i sadness juz gone by itself. If a guy were to treat me like that last time, I would sure say bye bye to him wan. But for him i juz dun noe y? He is the only guy i met who can control me. The moment i came in hm, i was being qs again. Y so late den reach hm. This is really veri irritating. I really hate my parents treating me as a 3yr old kid. Ever since I move back they have been treating me like that. If Vin is nt there for me, i really dun noe how long i can take it. For the sake of Vin i have to endure. Why they have to make things difficult for me. I am their daughter y do they have to treat me like that. I really can't understand. Is face n pride so important to them. Even more important den their daughter's hapiness? Sometimes I wonder am I their daughter. I guess life is goin to be difficult for me. No matter how unhappyI am at hm i still have to act veri happy. I am tired of wearing mask. Maybe tomorrow will be a better day. I hope so.......

My First Blog..........

Today is a tired n busy day for me. So gald that Vin is there for me. He's a nice guy. Really wanna to thanx him for showing so much care n concern for me for the past one mth. He has done so much which no one had ever done for me. I always asked myself, why my life is so messy. N i never found out the actual answer. Life is strange n its like taking a bus journey. For the past 5 yrs I have been taking the wrong bus until I met Vin den I realise that its time for me to alight and start a new journey. Hopefully I didn't board the wrong bus this time round.