Guilty Monday.......

This morning my eyes were so puffy. Cos I had a gd cried last nite. When I look at the wedding photo which I had perviously taken, I felt so sad. I could have juz live my life with the guy in the photo forever. But I choose to destory the whole thing n hurt him. I suddenly felt so guilty. Becos of my own happiness I choose to hurt him. I cant believe that I am doing this. I couldnt stop myself from dropping tears. N its the first time I cried after I made the decision to leave him. When I stepped into the hse yesterday, I really could feel the sadness in the hse. I really wanna to say Sorry to him. I didnt mean to hurt him. I can imagine how sad he is cos he really love me a lot. But its juz that he used the wrong way to love me. When I was struggling with my tears, Vin called me. N i choose to ignore him. I knew he was veri worried. But i juz felt that i need to be alone for a while. I cant express to him how i felt at that moment. No words can describle it. Later when I heard that he fell down in the washroom, I was veri worried. I guess he muz had felt veri hurt when he asked me wat happen n i choose not to tell him. He asked me where's the Jo he love gone to. I answer him that Jo was dead. He muz be veri heart broken when he heard this. I am so cruel to him. Y do I have to stab him again n again. I really hated myself for doin that. Luckily I met him juz nw. Its his bird day tomorrow. I bought a cake for him juz nw. But when i was with him juz nw, I can strongly feel that he is still veri sad abt wat i did last nite. I dun blame him cos after all its my fault. I thought that he was so engross with his majong that he had forgotten abt me. But I was wrong. He didnt call me becos when he was playing majong, they dun allow him to cal me. After i realise that thats was the reason, i felt so guilty. I dun noe wat i shld to do to make up to him. I noe that he really love me a lot. Its all my fault. Vin I really wanna to say sorrie to u. I am a veri emotional gal. That y when i went back to my hse i felt so sad. N i really really wanna to say sorry to him. Cos after all I am the one who hurt him. I really really hope that he can find someone better n lead a better life. Vin i noe u wanna me to settle my mess asap. Dun worry i will do that. I will do everything for the seek of u. I told u b4 i am here to bring u happiness n not burden. I promise I will be ur best wife. I will get things done next yr. So dun worry. N there is something which i wanna to tell u. Even if u cant get a flat, i will still choose to marry u. Even if u r broke, i will oso choose to stand by ur side. Cos I noe that my life cant go on without u. N hope that u could forgive me for hurting u last nite. I sincerely apologise to u.