Its a BAD sunday.....

I cannot imagine myself giveing up church service bcos of my bf.... I think this is the worst thing I had ever done. I am feeling very moody nw. Going service has been part of my life. But I choose to give up bcos of KT.... Today is a Sunday. I am suppose to go church service at 5pm. Since fri I had been staying at KT's house. His grandmother n mums wanna to visit one of their sick relatives in the afternoon. They ask if KT is going anywhere bcos they wanna him to send them to visit their relatives. I ask KT to go service with me but he refuse. This is what I cannot understand. I am hoping that we have something in common bcos we are no longer working in the same company. So I hope going to church together will bring the both of us closer. Ever since I left my pervious job, a lot of problems started. Nw whenever I tell him abt my job I don't even noe if he understand a not. Or maybe he can't be bothered...... Coming bk to the service today.... So its like very rushing for him to run here n there. So I told him, I will not go service today. But deep in my heart I felt pain. I oso do not noe how come I felt pain. I guess bcos after a long tired week of work , going to church service really calm me n my temper down. But KT didn't even realised I am feeling pain in my heart. I guess he don't even noe that every week I go service, I actually feel more peace in my heart. Only GOD knows. I think from nw on I will not ask him to go service with me anymore. Bcos he is not interested. So its not point for me to ask. i have done all I can. A lot of times when I encounter problems in my life I can only write it out. No one to turn to... Especially when I am very unhappy at work...I can onli drop tears alone.... I think its fated for me to have such life..... I really resign to fate..........

Last Sat, I went to attend KT's granny birthday celebration. Its nt the first time I met his family members. As usual, the same old question kept shooting at both of us. "When are u two getting married???" How come always this question? KT's sis told me that she is planning her marriage at Yr 2009. Her mum says KT must marry first b4 her sis can marry. So she turn to me n ask me: "When is urs?" I looked at her n was thinking, how the hell can i ans her when my bf, his bro, dun even tell me anything???? Den on sun we went to attend one of KT's colleague wedding. This time round, his office pple start to ask the same old question again. I act like a mute.... And I felt like crying... Suddenly all kinds of mixed feelings in my heart. I was thinking... If I had never..... Would I??? But all these thoughts disappear very soon. KT can sense something wrong with me. He asked me but I didnt tell him anything. He told me that he thought by planning everything by himself, I can be a happy bride. But he realised he is wrong. It takes 2 hands to clap. N u have to get involve in the wedding planning so that it will become ur wedding. So today he email me a long list of hotels wedding package. Thank GOD for letting me see sunshine after the storm n rain.