Thinking of my past....

i am suppose to work ot today. but yesterday nite i cried too much so this morning my eyes was swollen. so i had to cancel my ot. i rem 2 yrs back around may, i made a foolish decision. i killed my child which i would never forgive myself. i hated myself for doin tat. i have been living with guilt since then. no one can understand how painful i am. i miss my child. the child mux have hated me veri much. till nw i keep on asking myself y did i choose to do tat. i have been lying to myself thinking tat i could erase tis fr my memories but i could nt. i can forget the incident. i dun noe wat i could to or wat i shld do. can anyone tell me......